


there’s a hole where your heart lies

by tinydancer



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Developing Relationship, Dreams, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Character Death, Mild Voyeurism, Slow Burn, Soul Bond, Soulmates, Symbolism, mild stalking warning, they're both dumb boys, vague allusions towards reincarnation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:39:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4629006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinydancer/pseuds/tinydancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru sometimes likes to live his life like he’s on a tightrope and he really doesn’t mind falling. One rainy day Yamazaki Sousuke waits for him, sitting atop Haru’s favourite bench with an extinguished cigarette in hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. you are the silence in between

**Author's Note:**

> I promise this isn't as dark as it sounds, hopefully it'll be a nice balance of fluff and angst which is what I prefer to be honest. Recently I watched Sense8 and have been binge watching the The X-files. I guess I've been having a lot of thoughts that are about bonds/psychic links, and I suddenly started writing this at 3am. Title from Third Eye by Florence and the Machine. The chapter titles will also be Florence songs, because they just resonate with me :)

It’s not a short walk to the nearest lakeside, but Haru still takes it. It’s become almost ritualistic for him; a cathartic experience reserved for long days, and he was never one to be deterred by a little rain anyway. He walks until his legs ache; he walks until he can hear the soft pattering of the raindrops against the sodden sidewalk morph into the sound of water crashing into water, of clouds greeting sea. By the time he reaches his usual spot, the bench is drenched and sitting atop it is a dark figure, his face obscured by a dark blue umbrella. As Haru nears, the streetlight above the bench begins flickering on just in time to catch a proper glimpse of the man’s face.

“Nanase,” he says, and somehow Haru can hear his voice, hollow and deep, even above the neighbouring sounds of thunder peals and rain patters. 

Haru is rarely ever at loss of what to do in situations such as these – mostly because he had never really cared for minor issues such as social etiquette. But he’s sure even the most socially skilled person in the world would at least need a double take before registering that, _yes_ , that is Yamazaki Sousuke sitting on your favourite bench at the lakeside and _yes_ , this is the first time you are seeing him after two years of nothing.

But Haru picks himself up rather quickly, he steps close enough to see the cigarette in Sousuke’s hand, now extinguished by the onslaught of rain. He doesn’t say anything, and waits for the other man to continue. It seemed a lot like that Sousuke was waiting for him, and Haru can sometimes be a master at the art of patience.

Sousuke takes a deep breath, a heave that shifts his body until his face is hiding behind the umbrella yet again. Haru steps closer still, close enough that he is almost towering over the sitting man. He thinks that this may be the first time he’s given the privilege of looking down on upon Yamazaki Sousuke like this.

“We need to talk,” Sousuke finally says and Haru has an abrupt wish that the umbrella would just disappear.

“I’m listening,” Haru answers, loud and stern. Sousuke gestures to the spot besides him and at this Haru wrinkles his nose. “It’s too wet on there.”

Sousuke raises a single eyebrow, “So what were you planning on doing when you come here? Just stand around in the rain until you’re soaking wet?”

“I wasn’t planning anything, I just –,” Haru cuts himself off and narrows his eyes. “How did _you_ know I’d be here, Yamazaki?”

“That’s just…that’s what I needed to talk about.” He pauses and exhales loudly, like he’s frustrated – which Haru can’t really fathom because what exactly does he have to be all exasperated about? “Fuck, I thought that this would be easier and that you’d just _get_ it, but apparently not.”

Haru narrows his eyes again, this time to try and gauge Sousuke’s expression. “What do you mean by I’ll get it? Get what?”

At this, Sousuke stands up abruptly, the forgotten cigarette falling from his hand and onto the soaked pavement. “I can’t fucking do this. I’ve got to go.”

He hurriedly brushes past, but in the disarray Haru has enough sense to catch onto Sousuke’s sleeve until he’s got a strong grip. Sousuke halts in place, and Haru notes the absence of rain against his hair with the umbrella now covering the both of them. 

“Just tell me what you came here to say,” Haru says, his voice carefully neutral but firm.

Sousuke turns to look at him then, and his expression catches Haru off guard. It’s the most vulnerable he’s ever seen him, and he’s seen the guy almost fall apart because of his shoulder injury.

“You won’t believe me,” he says finally, and he sounds so sure of himself that Haru tightens his grip on the piece of black overcoat between his fingers.

“Just tell me.”

“The reason I knew you were here, the reason I…” Sousuke takes one final deep breath, before meeting Haru’s eyes. “I dream about you,” he says.

 

 

By the time the rain has progressed to a full-on storm, they’ve finally reached Haru’s apartment. They had walked back in complete silence, a quiet that hung heavy over their heads clouded my confusion and apprehension. Sousuke had promised to answer every question he had once they were in drier conditions and the only reason Haru hadn’t dismissed him thus far as pulling a twisted prank is the thought that not even Yamazaki Sousuke can be that good of an actor. Haru is an observant person, and on the walk back to his apartment he had watched Sousuke grip the umbrella he had over the two of them like a lifeline. Haru doesn’t know what to make of this whole _dreaming_ thing but he’s not going to leave Sousuke out in the cold in case he was having some sort of mental break down. 

As soon as they walk in, Haru beelines for the little linen closet beside the bathroom and takes out two fresh towels for the both of them. He hands one to Sousuke who takes it with a nod, and then proceeds to walk into the living room and make himself at home, almost like he’s been there before.

Haru watches him dry his hair for a moment before finally speaking. “What is this about, Yamazaki?”

To his credit, Sousuke cuts to the chase and answers without hesitation. “They’ve been happening for a almost a month now… these visions. At first it started out as dreams, and it was dreams of you doing something so fucking random…just like you sketching something, or you sleeping. They were so nonsensical and boring and _random_. I had no idea why it was suddenly happening, because let’s face it, we were never a significant part of each other’s lives and why _now_ of all times…” He trails off and Haru takes a moment to process everything he just heard, but decides to reserve judgement until after Yamazaki is done speaking. “Well, then I guess I was hoping they would just go away and I wouldn’t have to deal with them again. But they didn’t, they got worse. Dreams turned into daydreams, almost like idle thoughts and visions of you doing random shit like taking out the laundry or swimming…”

This time Sousuke really did trail off and Haru watches carefully to check that he’s finished before answering. “So let me get this straight. You’ve been dreaming about me, or thinking about me. A lot,” Haru raises his eyebrows because this almost sounds like some weirdly worded confession to him but Sousuke’s desperate manner seems to suggest otherwise.

“No, no that’s just fucking it. It’s not just dreaming and thinking, it’s the things you’re doing…they’re actually happening in real time,” he scoffs at Haru’s expression. “Yeah, man I understand if you don’t believe me. Hell, I hardly believe it myself. But the truth is, I knew you were going to be at the lakeside because sometimes I see you there. And _today_ I saw you walking there.”

“So you’re weirdly good at guessing things, that doesn’t -,”

“No!” Sousuke interrupts Haru again, only adding to the growing frustration Haru is feeling. “No, it’s happening in real time. Look, the first time I realised that they just weren’t random dreams and actual real events is about a week ago. I had a nap and suddenly pictured you eating popcorn and watching _Space Jam_ of all things. A few minutes later I check my instagram and see that Tachibana has posted a picture of you in your PJs, just how I imagined, and he fucking hashtagged it #movienight and #spacejam. I realised that this shit was too spooky to be a coincidence so I’ve since looked up everything I could to try and get rid of this fucking…link thing. So here we are.”

“So here we are,” Haru deadpans, again trying to process everything that’s being said to him. It feels like two sides of his brain are battling, he’s almost believing Sousuke solely based upon the look in his eye and isn’t _that_ ridiculous. Haru sighs and finishes scrubbing his hair dry with the towel that had been hanging over his head the entire time. “I’m too hungry and tired for this shit right now,” he says, and without a word walks into the kitchen to begin preparing the mackerel for dinner. Unsurprisingly, Sousuke follows him into the kitchen. 

“Listen to me Nanase, I know this thing is hard to believe -,”

This time Haru interrupts, loudly speaking over him. “This ‘thing’ being the fact that you’ve apparently been telepathically stalking me for a month. A ‘thing’ that, by the way, you felt no need to inform me about until now.”

At this Sousuke's expression changes into a strange combination of both frustrated and a little sheepish. “Well, yeah like I said, I thought it would just go away.”

“So why tell me at all?” Haru says, not even looking at Sousuke as he begins the seasoning and turning the frying pan on to heat the oil. Sousuke doesn’t answer and instead takes the liberty to prepare the rice. It’s both eerie and maddening how Sousuke knows _exactly_ where Haru keeps the rice and takes the cutlery and two plates out of the drawer with ease. Jeez, it’s not like Haru invited him to stay for dinner, but it doesn’t even surprise him at this point. 

“Like I said earlier, I’ve been looking things up. And let me tell you, this thing I have is rare as hell but at least they’ve got _some_ literature on it. Most of it is all hypothetical but everything I’ve read seems to suggest that this psychic link or whatever usually goes both ways.” 

“Both ways,” Haru repeats, this time turning to look Sousuke in the eye. “So you came here to see if I’ve been dreaming about you.” 

Sousuke takes a moment to answer. “Well, have you?”

“No.” 

Sousuke makes a frustrated noise, and runs his hand through his slightly damp hair. “Shit, I was at least hoping…” 

“That’s what you meant by hoping that I’d just _get_ it,” Haru realises. It’s probably a likely thing that would’ve occurred. They’re both pretty emotionally constipated and socially inept to the point that even if Haru were having visions of Sousuke, he would’ve left it for a month or even more, before actually _confronting_ him about it. 

“I even thought that you did some voodoo shit on me. Made me try fall in love with you or some shit but it was only halfway working…” 

Something about the statement didn’t sit right with Haru, but he bristled at the general implication. “You think I’m pathetic enough to spellbind someone into falling in love with me? You really think that about me?” 

“No, I just had no other explanation,” Sousuke replies dryly. “I’m almost as lost as you are actually, so cut me some slack. From what I’ve read, this ‘link’ or whatever only happens between two people with a really close bond and not only is it with you of all people, but it turns out that you don’t even get these visions so I actually am alone in all this.” 

Haru doesn’t reply for a while and instead focuses on plating up dinner for the two of them. They take it to the living room where they sit on the floor across from each other and begin eating without a word exchanged between them. 

“Okay,” Haru begins. “Okay, let’s say I believe you and you are actually having visions of me doing random shit… How do I know you’re telling the truth and this isn’t some elaborate prank?” 

“Seriously? What reason do I have to lie about this?” 

Haru thinks about it, but comes up empty. “Does anyone else know about this?” 

“I tried telling Rin once when I was drunk. He thought it was hilarious and now thinks I have a crush on you, probably.” 

Something about the word crush, the innocence of it all, makes Haru crack a slight smile after what feels like an eternity. Fucking Sousuke Yamazaki having a _crush_ on him. Shit. 

They finish dinner in silence, and when Sousuke gets up and starts putting on his coat, something in Haru panics. 

“You’re leaving? There’s a storm outside,” he says, and as if on cue, the thunder above them hollers. “It’s a long way back home.” Haru continues, and he doesn’t even know what direction he’s going with this. 

Sousuke gives him a look that’s almost exasperated as he reaches for the door “You didn’t even know that I’d moved to Tokyo, did you?” 

“I don’t know much about you, Yamazaki.” 

Sousuke doesn’t reply for a moment, but Haru can almost make out the exact moment his resolve steels. His entire body straightens out and he nods at Haru. “Nanase, I promise you that I’ll try and find a cure to this whatever way I can. Not only is this an invasion of your privacy, but it’s distracting the hell out of me and I’ve been slacking at work. I assure you, I’ll find a way.” 

He finally opens the door and a strong gush of wind nearly knocks them both over. “Wait, one more thing,” Haru says, almost reaching out for Sousuke’s sleeve for the second time that day but stopping himself just in time. 

Sousuke turns around and meets Haru’s eyes. “What?” 

Haru takes a moment before replying, attempting to collect his thoughts and trying to make sense of the sudden chaos in his emotions. “Why me? Why are you having visions of me and not Rin, or anyone else for that matter?” 

“Believe me Nanase, I’ve been asking myself that for the past month,” he says and leaves abruptly, like what he’d said was an efficient goodbye. 

Haru stands at the doorway for a moment before finally closing the door against the onslaught of wind and making his way straight to the bathroom to run a bath. He sits in there longer than usual, which considering his usual baths, says something. More than once, he wonders if what had just occurred was even real -- just a figment of his imagination or some elaborate dream his mind had conjured up. And wouldn’t _that_ be ironic.

But when he finally gets out of the bath and heads to the kitchen for tea, a glance at the pair of unwashed dishes in the sink and the newly saved contact number under _Yamazaki Sousuke_ in his phone seems to suggest otherwise.

 

After that, things go on as usual; except for one little detail. Haru has become conscious of every little thing he’s doing. Every fucking thing. He’s takes out the trash and wonders if Sousuke can see him, he has to re-read a line in a book _five times_ because he keeps imagining Sousuke watching, and weirdly it doesn’t even creep him out. The worst times are when he’s in the shower or he desperately wants to touch himself, but starts blushing because, fuck, is Sousuke seeing _this_? And shit, his body betrays him and always gets more turned on at the thought, and Haru doesn’t want to touch that line of thinking with a ten-foot pole. After about three days of abstinence, Haru finally thinks fuck it, and jerks himself off while trying to picture nothing in particular. He feels kinds of dirty afterwards for getting off on the thought of Sousuke watching him, but he justifies that there’s really nothing he can do about it at this point.

It goes on like that for almost a week, his mind always conscious of his actions, his emotions more chaotic than before. It gets to the point where while they’re taking a break during their late night jog, Makoto tries to ask Haru if he’s feeling okay because he’s been acting a bit off lately. 

“I’m fine,” Haru sighs, and concentrates on drinking from his water bottle instead of making eye contact with Makoto’s soft expression. 

“Okay. If you say you’re fine Haru, I’ll believe you,” he says. “But remember I’m here if you need to talk or you’re feeling alone.” 

Haru almost scoffs at the word ‘alone’ because it’s almost the opposite of how he feels. And what’s more, there’s a deep part of him that he doesn’t even want to acknowledge, a part of him that’s actually relieved at the distraction Yamazaki Sousuke has become. 

That night, however, he doesn’t think of it as relief. The thoughts of Sousuke and this stupid fucking link are so loud in his head, that he can’t get to sleep and he’s got to wake up early tomorrow, damn it. At that moment, he finally gives in to whatever barrier he had put up and reaches for his phone. Except, just as he’s about to click on Sousuke’s name, his phone starts ringing. 

He stares at the name on his screen for a moment before picking up with a resigned sigh. 

“You knew I was going to call you,” Haru states, not even a question, and his voice void of emotion. 

“Actually, I didn’t know. I could just…I don’t know, sense that you were frustrated with me so I thought I’d call.” 

Haru narrows his eyes, “So you can read my _emotions_ now?” 

“No, I don’t think so. It was just a hunch,” Sousuke answers, and Haru doesn’t need a sixth sense to tell that Sousuke is lying through his teeth. Instead he sighs and shifts over so the phone is pressed onto his cheek and against the bed. 

“Did you find anything new. To cure it?” 

From of the sound of things Sousuke seems to shuffle a little before answering, and Haru idly wonders if he’s in bed too. It’s almost _unfair_ that Sousuke probably knows exactly what Haru is wearing while Haru is left in the dark. 

“Yes and no,” Sousuke answers. 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Haru frowns, because he really doesn’t like the sound of that. 

“I’ve gotten in touch with this lady from Seoul. Apparently she’s written a thesis on this link thing and calls it a ‘soul bond’ or some shit like that. In her email she said that apparently it’s impossible that this thing is only one way and the only explanation she can give is that you have some kind of block in your mind that’s stopping me from getting in. She said she’s met couples with the link before, ones that have sought to block out one another but only temporarily so things like fucking surprise birthdays for each other would go unnoticed. I guess if I really work on it, I can start blocking you out too and we can pretend this thing never happened.” 

One thing that Haru has noticed about Sousuke is that he always speaks very evenly, his tone a nice balance of nonchalance and steadiness. Now, he speaks as if this issue doesn’t really concern him – as if he’s talking about someone else, and something about that really irks Haru. 

“So you can block me out, and that’s the end of that then.” Haru says, his voice feigning the same non-interest to match Sousuke’s. 

“Possibly. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always…” He trails off and Haru frowns into the darkness. 

“Always what, Yamazaki? Get to the point.” 

“Okay, look. I’m sure this would be a huge inconvenience for you so you don’t have to try it until it’s absolutely necessary. But Mrs Choi had given the indication that another way to cease the soul bond or whatever is to share a space together.” 

Haru waits a beat before replying, “You mean moving into one of our places and living together.” Haru clarifies, voice again not betraying how he’s actually feeling. His heart actually fucking jumped yet again at the words ‘soul bond’ and he’s starting to hate his own body for betraying him like this. 

“Well, yeah that’s the general idea. But like I said, we won’t have to try it until it comes to it. There’s speculation that this bond thing first began appearing during periods of war and strife. It was how loved ones would keep track of each other if one were to leave for the battle and the other stay at home, or even if they were both fighting on the battlefield but wanted to check if the other was alive. Or if they were separated they would take comfort in the fact that they weren’t alone,” Sousuke snorts. “I guess it was a time before phones were invented.” 

Haru doesn’t reply. He really doesn’t know how to sort out his emotions, and is desperately trying to ignore words that he’s catching onto like ‘alone’, and ‘comfort’ and ‘loved ones’. Fuck if he starts tearing up while Sousuke’s on the other line, detached as ever. 

“It’s logical, I guess,” Sousuke continues, when he realises that Haru has nothing to say. “If two people are together constantly, as in sharing a living space, there’s really no need for visions or dreams to let them know what the other is doing, right? Otherwise you’d just be getting visions of what was happening right in front of your eyes anyway.” 

Haru doesn’t answer for a long time, and Sousuke is probably wondering if he’s falling asleep or something. Or not. Maybe Sousuke knows exactly what Haru is thinking, and shit, isn’t that a thought worth panicking over? 

“Okay,” Haru finally says, and his voice sounds a lot rougher than before even to his own ears. “Okay, we’ll stick to you trying to block me out. I’m honestly done with wondering whether I’m being watched all the time.” 

There’s another beat of silence and Haru wonders if he somehow offended Sousuke, which is just ridiculous. 

“Nanase,” Sousuke says, and finally, finally his tone has some emotion in. In fact, somehow Haru feels like it’s _heavy_ with emotions, like somehow just by saying his name Sousuke has conveyed all the regret, all the confusion, frustration and wistfulness he’s feeling in one word. 

“Yes?” Haru asks, so soft he’s not sure Sousuke has heard him. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, and at first Haru thinks that Sousuke is apologising for this one thing he can’t control, but then he continues. “I’m sorry I never reached out to you earlier. I know I gave my condolences at the funeral, but if you ever need to talk –,” 

“I’ve got to go,” Haru interrupts loudly but for some reason he doesn’t hang up straight away. 

Sousuke speaks quickly, as if trying to get a word in before Haru can. “Mrs Choi said that usually it’s a traumatised past of some sort that might cause a mind-block like I described yours. If you need to talk about it –,” 

Haru hangs up faster than he ever has before. His heart beats at a mile a minute and he suddenly feels like throwing up, so he stumbles over to bathroom and empties his stomach while crouching over the toilet. 

Afterwards he blunders back into bed and covers his entire world with a blanket, squeezing his eyes shut with the kind of determination he hasn’t felt in a while. Sousuke doesn’t call again.

 


	2. but it's left me so undone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I wanna thank everyone who commented and gave me wonderful feedback for the last chapter! You are all very encouraging. Also: wow, ok I can't believe I wrote so much for one chapter it's currently 2 am here and my hands are tired from typing. I hope you enjoy this one x

It’s a Wednesday evening when Haru finally gives in and boots up his laptop. After his afternoon class had finished, he’d went straight for the wine bottle Gou had given to him on new years eve and then fallen asleep watching reruns of some historical drama. His dream had been murky, and he only remembers vague images. Something like the sound of cicadas alongside soft musical notes of a koto, a yukata smooth to touch, woven with a fabric of subtle colours, pale blue, green and white. And wearing it, had been Yamazaki Sousuke. 

He’s lucky that Makoto had left his facebook logged in because Haru doesn’t have facebook and his little bout of stalking Yamazaki would have been short-lived since the guy’s instagram is apparently private too. 

Apparently Sousuke is working as an intern at a sports agency, which Haru actually kind of knew already in the back of his mind but had forgotten about. He also seems to be a fan of hiking and mountain climbing, which is something Haru didn’t expect but it’s not surprising if he really thinks about it, since Sousuke seems to be the type of guy who always strives to be the best, to be on top. This type of personality seems to coincide well with the images he has on facebook, Sousuke on top of some mountain overlooking magnificent views. Haru idly wonders who had taken the photos, but the thought is pushed away and he keeps clicking through, never really allowing himself to fixate on one and instead his mind flicking through them like frames in those old-time carousel projectors. In almost all of them, Sousuke is some obscure figure overlooking a view, or a silhouette against an orange-purple sunset. There are occasional selfies, taken at parties or get togethers. Haru vaguely recognises some faces he sees, but mostly his eyes are drawn to photos with familiar arms around a smirking Yamazaki, or a flash of red hair that is almost always Rin’s (and occasionally Gou’s). He has to go back almost four years until he sees his own face, and it’s apart of a group photo taken at Rin’s farewell party. He doesn’t remember when or who had taken the photo, although it was most likely Gou since she’s the only one missing from the photo. 

Haru looks at his own face, which had been a little rounder, a little younger. He had been 18, and not quite ready to take the world but not rejecting it either. Next to him is Rin, smiling that teary-eyed smile of his, arms folded. And next to Rin, on the _other_ side, is Yamazaki. And he doesn’t look sad, like Rin, or worn-out, like Haru. He’s smiling at the camera softly, looking a little wistful, a little resigned. Haru brings the screen closer, takes a longer look, because he doesn’t really know what to make of that expression. It’s only a minute later, that he realises with a jolt that he and Sousuke are brushing shoulders in the photo. It was hard to tell at first, because the angle made it seem like that Rin had been standing between them, but in reality, he had been standing just a little bit in front of them while Haru and Sousuke had been standing beside each other, almost like a pair of body guards or something. Shit, Haru actually remembers now. Feeling his arm heat up, being very conscious of Yamazaki beside him, wondering if this is the closest they’ve ever stood. 

Before he can pursue those thoughts any further – not that Haru was particularly wanting to – he’s interrupted by the abrupt buzz of an incoming text message. 

Yamazaki _: **I’m flattered, I guess**_

Haru frowns for a moment, before realising. Shit. _Shit_. The fucking psychic-link- slash-soul-bond, aka the reason he had started googling Yamazaki in the first place. 

Me: **_Are you shitting me right now Yamazaki_**

Yamazaki: ** _What?_**

Me: ** _How can you sound so smug about someone fb stalking u when you literally creep-bond stalk them whenever you feel like it_**

Yamazaki: ** _I think you’ve forgotten that I have almost no control over this shit_**

Me: ** _If you say so. I guess if it were just dreams it would be less concerning but the real-time visions need to stop_**

Yamazaki: **_I promised I would try and I’ve been trying._**

Haru stares at the screen for a moment, before starting to type a reply. That is, until his phone vibrates again, notifying him of a second message.

Yamazaki: ** _So never? You’ve never even had one vision, one dream?_**  

And at that, Haru’s mind for some reason, goes straight to the gutter. To a buried memory of waking up sweating and _hard_ , with images of vending machines and Yamazaki’s huge presence above him, all over him. 

Shit. He’s lucky Sousuke isn’t present to catch him blush, because why the fuck had he remembered _that_ all of a sudden? It’s been almost four years now and it had literally only been one dream that he’d opted to ignore for the rest of his life. Okay, so maybe he’s had one or two dreams about Yamazaki before. Three, if he includes the one he’d just had during his nap. But they were definitely not real-time dreams or visions, so Haru decides that they’re not really worth mentioning. 

Me: ** _I already said that I haven’t. And besides, back to the point. I thought you were working on the whole blocking thing but obviously it’s going nowhere_**

Yamazaki: ** _I am working on it. I feel like the visions are definitely lessening and before you say anything, I think it’s pretty justified that I’d have a vision about you while you’re literally scrolling through my fb and obviously thinking about me_**

Me: ** _Are you saying that’s what triggers it? Thinking about each other?_** He replies, maybe a little too quickly, but whatever. The idea of thoughts of each other being the trigger makes little to no sense to Haru, but it seemed like the right thing to ask and maybe it’ll help him get a better grasp of this whole thing. 

Sousuke actually replies within the minute this time. **_Idk. I’m not sure, I’m kind of making it up and theorising as I go along. Like ive been saying to you, there’s really not much to go on so I’m being forced to wing it_**

Haru snorts. Yamazaki seems to be a meticulous planner who likes to have all the facts and ‘being forced to wing it’ seems like the last thing he wants to do. **_What kind of things are you doing to try and block it out anyway?_** He types and waits for the reply while absently playing with the cursor on his desktop background. It’s about a thirty second later when his phone buzzes again. 

**_Mostly meditating. Keeping really busy. Never really thinking about you._**  

Haru frowns at the last sentence because it doesn’t feel right, and it almost fucking _hurts_ the way Sousuke had just said that. So casually cruel, but so familiarly Yamazaki Sousuke at the same time. And it should be comforting, to read those words. Because isn’t that what Haru wanted? Hasn’t he been objecting this whole psychic link from the moment he’s found out about it? Haven’t they both? 

Haru thinks back to Sousuke that stormy evening in his apartment. _Nanase, I promise you_ he had said. He had called breaking the link a “cure”, so obviously it’d been a huge burden to him. Obviously. 

Me: **_Well, I guess we should stop texting then. If we want this to work._**

Yamazaki: ** _If you say so._**

Me: **_You’re the one who messaged me first, Yamazaki._**

Yamazaki: **_I know I did_**

Me: **_As long as we’re clear on that_**  

Sousuke doesn’t reply for so long that Haru thinks that they had successfully ended the conversation as abrupt and uncomfortably as usual. That is, until it’s 3 – something in the morning and Haru is dazedly half-watching a documentary about aliens when he receives a final text. **_Go to sleep, Haru._**   

It’s not until Haru is sitting through a lecture the next day, bored as hell and playing with his phone, that he realises something. 

Me: **_You called me Haru_**

Yamazaki: **_I see you’re straight to the point and blunt as always_**  

Me: **_You’re one to talk, Mr. “I dream about you”_**

Yamazaki: **_I had the impression that you appreciate my bluntness_**

Me: **_I wasn’t actually complaining_**  

Yamazaki: **_Well neither was I, Nanase_**  

What a weird fucking conversation.

“Haru?” Makoto nudges him, and looks down at him through thick-framed glasses. “Who are you texting?” 

Haru opens his mouth twice to answer but then considers trying to explain everything to Makoto. Even Professor Wataya, who seems to take no interest in teaching seasoned final year students anything new, would notice the disruption. 

“No one,” Haru replies. In response, Makoto’s eyes do that crinkle-thing that Haru never thought of as a frown but more a thoughtful, worried expression.

“You just seem… a little agitated.” 

“It’s nothing,” Haru answers, and then decides to change the topic. “Did you book our tickets for home?” 

At this, Makoto’s eyes crinkle up in the good-way and he smiles softly. “Just this morning. Rei emailed me for the fifth time about Nagisa’s pet duck.” 

“You mean Quacky-Ducky-san?” Haru says, completely straight-faced. He’s vaguely pleased with his own impression of Rei as Makoto yelps a surprised laugh. The professor pauses to glance at them for a moment, and nonetheless continues, seeming unfazed by the fact that no one is really paying attention to him. But the glance effectively ends the conversation, and Makoto seems to write twice as many notes after that, as if somehow it’ll compensate for their rudeness. 

 

Two days later, both Haru and Makoto discover that Quacky-Ducky-san is indeed, very cute and very mischievous. 

“He keeps pooping everywhere,” Nagisa says, taking the fluffy yellow little thing into his palms and bringing it up to eyelevel. “But even then, I still love you with all my heart, Quacky-chan.” 

“Eh,” Makoto interrupts Nagisa’s cooing noises. “So you keep him in the bathtub?” 

Haru frowns, “What about your baths?” 

Nagisa only shrugs, “I usually shower anyway, Haru-chan.” 

At this Haru can’t really contain the mild outrage he feels, but Nagisa brushes him off and starts formally introducing the duckling to them. 

“His favourite things are my hair, puddles after rain, and Rei-chan’s shoulder!” 

And then, before Haru can really register anything, Nagisa is placing the duckling into his palms. Haru really doesn’t know what to do, so he brings it up to eye level and asks, “So I guess you like baths, too?” 

Everyone starts laughing at that, and Haru smiles. Somehow it still manages to surprise him how much he misses his friends’ laugh. He misses home, and the tangy air of the oceanside, the sound of boats gently rocking against the docks. He even misses the long, twisting pathways with tufts of weed growing from the cracks and the familiar mewl of stray kittens greeting him everyday. 

Haru is interrupted from his thoughts when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. But he’s forced to ignore it because in his distraction, the duckling had escaped his palms and then sent them all on a wild goose chase around Nagisa’s apartment. 

Later, he checks his phone to see there’s a missed call from Yamazaki Sousuke.

 

“Thank you again for letting me stay over, Tachibana-san.”

Makoto’s mother smiles at Haru softly; her eyes crinkling in the corners much like her son’s. “Haru, you know you’re always welcome here anytime. I just wish you would call more. I know Makoto keeps me updated, but sometimes its good to hear your voice! Promise me you’ll call more often.” 

Haru feels his heart warm up and looks away, not knowing how to answer other than a quiet, “Okay.” 

Tachibana-san laughs lightly and finishes handing Haru the spare Futon that has apparently only been reserved for Haru for the past ten years. He takes it gladly, and walks into Makoto’s old room, where he finds Makoto laying out a fresh bedcover for himself. 

They dress for bed in silence, and it’s only by the time the lights are out, that Haru musters up enough courage to say what’s on his mind.

“Makoto?” He asks gently, just in case Makoto had already fallen asleep. “Are you awake?” 

“I’m awake Haru,” Makoto answers, almost softer. “What is it?” 

“Have you heard from Yamazaki lately?” 

There’s a surprised pause, which Haru can understand, since it must seem pretty random to bring it up out of the blue like that. But there’s really no other way to approach this. 

“…No, not recently. Why do you ask?” 

Haru opts to ignore the question to ask another. “What’s your impression of him?” 

The pause is longer this time, Makoto obviously being confused at this line of questioning. “I guess he seemed intimidating at first, but after I got to know him he was always kind…. He seems like a complicated guy, if I’m being completely honest.”                                                                                     

When Haru doesn’t answer right away, Makoto apparently decides to probe. “Why do you ask?” He repeats, sounding cautious for some reason or another. 

“I saw him the other day,” Haru says, his tone probably indicating that he really doesn’t feel like saying the rest this very moment. Hell, he probably should never had said anything in the first place but Makoto has always been insightful and he needed to hear that. _Intimidating_ … _Kind_ … _Complicated_. Haru almost snorts, yeah, that seems to sum him up pretty well. Although Haru never felt too intimidated by him, no matter how hard Yamazaki was trying back when they were in high school. 

Yamazaki: **_Are you in Iwatobi?_**  

Haru receives the message while he’s on the train ride back to Tokyo, so he says as much in his reply, and then adds **_I thought you would’ve known that I left already_**  

Yamazaki: **_The visions are becoming less frequent I guess. The block must be working._**  

Haru isn’t sure how to reply, and he doesn’t _want_ to reply if he’s being honest. The whole thing is frustrating, a collection of emotions and unprecedented, unexpected hurt somehow dichotomous with both their supposed-nonchalance about the so-called soul-bond. Shit, if it were anyone else in this situation, Haru is sure they would’ve moved past this in-between state he and Sousuke seem to be suspended in.

 

A week and a half later, Haru discovers that Sousuke’s last message to him was in fact, incorrect. Or maybe only correct to some degree, because the block might be working for _Sousuke_ , but it sure as hell isn’t working for him anymore. 

It starts out very subtle, like thoughts of Sousuke that could be his own, except they seem a little too specific, a little too detailed. A fleeting image of Sousuke on the metro standing up for a waiting pregnant lady, dressed in a suit and tie for work. And later, Sousuke doing his laundry, shirtless and waiting for it to finish while idly checking his phone, because apparently he’s one of those people who wait until the last minute to wash his clothes and ends up having to wash the shirt he’s wearing. Sousuke, cooking dinner for himself. Sousuke, waking up to a sunrise, going for an early morning swim. Bench pressing at the gym in his apartment complex at 11pm on a Saturday evening because apparently that’s also the type of person he is. 

Haru has yet to tell him about the visions. He understands why Sousuke let them go on for so long because they honestly feel like they might just go away it their own soon enough. If he’d had no idea about the psychic link, then Haru would’ve just written the images off as apart of his active and random imagination. That’s how natural the visions felt. 

Monday night, apparently Sousuke accidently burns his right index finger while cooking. He stupidly puts an ice pack on it and Haru decides its time to end the charade so he grabs his phone before he changes his mind. 

“Hello?” Sousuke picks up, and he sounds distracted on the other line, probably tending to his burn. 

“You obviously don’t remember much from first grade health class, do you?” 

“Excuse me?” Sousuke asks, sounding like he’s finally realised that it’s Haru on the other end. 

“You run cold water over burns, not put _an ice pack_ on them. That’s how you get frostbites.” 

Sousuke doesn’t answer for so long, Haru’s not sure that he’s heard him at all. That is, until he heard the distinct sound of tap water running somewhere in the background on Sousuke’s end. 

They linger in a heavy silence for a while, Sousuke probably processing what the implications of the phone call means and Haru meanwhile backtracking to figure why he thought this was the best way to bring up the topic. 

“So,” Sousuke clears his throat, and Haru’s heart beat speeds up at the sound of his voice. “I guess you saw a vision of me getting burned….Unless you’re looking through my window this very moment, which I doubt since my apartment is on the seventh floor.” 

Haru hesitates before answering. “I didn’t see how it happened…only saw you putting ice on it.” 

“I grazed it against a hot oven tray,” Sousuke amends; he pauses a little before continuing. “So was this the first time you had a vision?” 

“No,” Haru answers. “They started about two weeks ago.” 

“Alright then,” Sousuke’s tone is for once, easy to read. He doesn’t seem upset or angry, which Haru almost expected, but he should’ve known better. Sousuke almost sounds relieved. 

The notion is supported by the light and sudden chuckle Sousuke lets out. “Funny how as soon as my block starts working, yours goes away.”

_Almost like there’s a force out there pushing for the soul-bond undeterred,_ it’s a thought unspoken, but Sousuke must agree to some degree at least. 

“So what now?” Haru finally says, after the silence again stretches out for too long. 

“Now…I guess it’s time for plan B.”

  

“Haru, you’ll have to explain it to me again, because I really am lost here.” 

Haru sighs, while looking around for an extra pair of socks to pack. Even though he’s already got about four pairs, it never hurts to have an extra. 

“Yamazaki invited me to stay over at his place,” Haru says, maybe a little distractedly now that he’s looking for a textbook that he _knows_ he left under the stack of artbooks on his desk. 

“I still don’t…” Makoto trails off, following Haru around the room while simultaneously packing for him. “Are you two…are you dating him?” 

“No,” Haru answers. He knows he’s being difficult, but he doesn’t really know how else to approach this. 

“Then why? There’s something you’re not telling me, Haru.” 

Haru’s hand pauses on the zipper of his hoodie, which he’d been hurriedly putting on as Makoto had been speaking. “Makoto,” he begins, his own voice coming out gentler than he expected. “I’m sorry, I know this is all very sudden for you. I’ll explain it to you later, I promise.” 

Makoto stares at him for a minute longer, until finally nodding. “Okay. As long as you’re not in trouble or anything, you’re not obligated to tell me. I know we’re best friends, but we’re still adults with our own private lives.” His voice still sounds hurt, but he’s smiling a little now. For probably the millionth time in his life, Haru is grateful to have such a supporting and understanding friend. 

“Thanks, Makoto,” Haru says. “It might only be for a few days, and I don’t want to worry you over nothing.” 

Makoto only nods, and they both head towards the entrance. Haru takes one last look at his apartment, before closing the door behind him.

  

When Haru walks into Sousuke’s place, it’s one of the most surreal experiences he’s had to date. Everything is so damn _familiar_ , he feels like he’s entering a place from a distant memory, not quite his own but familiar enough to grasp little details like the shade of grey in the curtains and a pair of small photo frames sitting beside the lamp in the living room. The feeling is also vaguely akin to a few pieces of an obscure puzzle finally starting to come together. Although he may have seen visions of Sousuke reading by the window, or drinking coffee by the kitchen bench, he never actually figured out the layout of the apartment and seeing it all together now, even Haru can tell that it’s worth some serious money. 

Sousuke raises his eyebrows at Haru’s expression and smirks a little. “So I assume you might not need the grande tour?” 

Haru only rolls his eyes and sits on the couch facing the tv without being invited to do so. Only, it doesn’t even feel like he’s imposing if he’s so damn familiar with the place – and besides, he’s allowed to take liberties after the way Sousuke had been so forward the first time he was over at Haru’s place. 

Sousuke snorts, and loosens his tie. He looks a little tired, hair disarrayed after a long day at work and the crisp white of his shirtsleeves rolled up to reveal tanned forearms. Haru quickly looks away before he can be caught staring for too long but he has a distinct feeling that Sousuke noticed that he was looking and just opted to ignore it. Or maybe Haru is just being paranoid.

 “Make yourself at home. I’m gonna take a shower and meanwhile you can order whatever takeaway you feel like. On me,” he then throws the tv remote at Haru, and it’s only thanks to Haru’s athletic reflexes that he’s able to catch it straight-faced. 

He’s gone before Haru can reply, and Haru ends up on a cooking channel after picking up his phone and ordering pizza. He doesn’t really know what Sousuke prefers in terms of toppings, but Haru figures if Sousuke didn’t want seafood toppings he would’ve mentioned it. 

It’s about fifteen more minutes of watching some poor guy atrociously mess up tempering the chocolate for his dessert, when Sousuke finally emerges from the bathroom. He’s wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt with the towel still around his neck. This time Haru _does_ kind of stare, except when Sousuke meets his eyes, he gives a kind of half-smile that catches Haru so off guard that he forgets whatever comment he was going to make about wasting water with long showers. 

“So when’s the food getting here?” Sousuke asks, as he drops down next to Haru on the couch, smelling absurdly fresh and sounding more relaxed than Haru has ever heard him. 

“Pizza guy should be about five more minutes, probably.” 

“Pizza?” Sousuke says, though he doesn’t sound like he’s actually asking Haru to elaborate and is only making an observation. “I don’t think I’ve seen you eat pizza very often.” 

The comment is a little strange, so casually acknowledging the soul-bond they share takes Haru aback. But then again, Sousuke’s always had a casual approach to the whole thing. The only thing different now is the light-hearted nature of his words. 

Haru shrugs, “I guess I just felt like it.” Sousuke nods in reply and then proceeds to reach over to Haru, again casual as ever, so that he can grab the remote sitting on Haru’s leg. 

They end up watching a crime drama – a genre that turns out to be one of Sousuke’s favourites, because he starts making predictions about the murderer 10 minutes into the show. Haru also makes his own predictions, if only to fluster Sousuke, which is apparently a fun pastime for Haru now. In the end, Haru’s prediction about the butler being the killer is spot-on and Sousuke is so outraged at this fact that he starts ranting. Haru can’t help but find it hilarious.

“The butler is honestly the most cliché choice in the history of mankind. I was so sure that he was a red herring cleverly planted by the writers, but god fucking damn it why actually make it the _butler_? Sure, he had the means but where was the motivation? Did Lady Katherine make too many demands? Was he paid poorly? Was he in _love_ with her?...And stop inwardly laughing your ass off, Nanase! I can tell you’re having a god damn field trip just by looking at your face.” 

Sousuke looks so outraged about the whole thing, Haru can’t help but let out a light chuckle. “Really, Yamazaki? The red herring? Just how emotionally invested are you with this show?” 

Sousuke actually blushes a little in response, which is almost endearing on such a usually stone-faced man. “I don’t actually watch this show. I guess I dabble in a bit of crime fiction, but whatever.” 

Haru’s smile widens a little more at this, “So you like to read?” But he kind of already knew that, didn’t he? He’s seen multiple visions of Sousuke reading at home, or in the metro…come to think of it, Haru remembers seeing Sousuke write out some obscure diagram Haru had assumed was for work, and later Sousuke typing on his laptop with the same intensity Haru sometimes get when sketching a picture. “Do you _write_ , too?” 

Sousuke has the gall to look surprised, but he should know by now that Haru can be very observant when he wants to be. “…Yeah, I guess I do.” He looks down then, seeming embarrassed for some reason. “I never told anyone that.” 

Haru takes a moment to stare at the sheer vulnerability of his expression, teal eyes downcast, mouth a little turned up. “What do you write about?” 

“A lot of things, actually. Sometimes it’s crime fiction, fantasy or historical. Sometimes it’s about my life.” 

“Like… a memoir?” 

“Yeah, I guess it is…” he turns to Haru then, his eyebrows raised. “Look, I can guess what you’re thinking and yes, I have written about you. You’re a pretty big part of my life right now and it’d be hard to write it if I didn’t include you.” 

The silence that follows isn’t awkward, but it isn’t comfortable either. It’s a moment heavy with feeling; a long-waited acknowledgement of how fucking significant this thing they have is. It will probably affect the rest of their lives, no matter if they both end up blocking it or not. And the thought is almost unfathomable, too colossal in its entirety, too large to grasp. 

Sousuke clears his throat and stands up, then picking up the empty pizza box lying on the coffee table, he heads to the kitchen. Haru stays where he’s sitting and watches Sousuke disappear into his room and then reappear, this time with a bundle of blankets and pillows in his arms. 

“I don’t have a spare futon. I’ll buy one tomorrow,” he says while handing Haru the pile. Haru takes it without a word; trying to gauge Sousuke’s expression all the while. Judging from his carefully blank face, it seems like the wall is back up, and that his infamous nonchalance has returned tenfold. 

“I can buy it,” Haru amends sternly. 

Sousuke just shrugs in return and then walks towards his bedroom. 

“You know where the bathroom is,” Sousuke nods towards the direction he had had disappeared for his shower, and then looks over his shoulder. “I’ll see you in the morning, Nanase.” 

Haru actually nods, before realising that Sousuke can’t see him anymore. He sighs to himself and then starts rummaging for his toothbrush in the pile of bags he’d left lying next to the couch. 

Sousuke’s bathroom is, for lack of better words, ridiculously extravagant. Haru knows that Sousuke is most likely getting help from his wealthy parents paying for the rent, but damn, it’s still something to admire. 

It’s one of those bathrooms that have two sinks, and down lights above the basin to create the perfect lighting for getting ready. The tiles are a tasteful dark grey, with glass shower screens revealing a very, very spacious shower. And the bathtub. The fucking _bathtub_. 

It looks like it’s made of some kind of black stone, and it’s shaped like a boat, pointing at the top and wide at the back. Haru steps closer to observe that, yes, it seems to have the perfect depth too. But the best thing about it is how simple it is – no fancy gadgets for water jets or head rests. This bathtub, Haru is willing to admit to himself, is something straight out of one of his fantasies. 

He’s almost tempted to start running the water, except it’s guaranteed that Haru will fall asleep in the bathtub in the tired state that he’s currently in. He decides that he’ll make a beeline for it in morning and brushes his teeth before heading to his makeshift bed. It’s only when Haru’s eyes are drooping closed, does he remember the whole purpose of staying over Yamazaki Sousuke’s fancy apartment. 

The visions had ceased completely while Sousuke was sitting right beside him all night. The theory made sense in Haru’s head, so he isn’t too surprised that it actually worked. However, he has yet to sort out his feelings over the whole temporary fix. Because that’s exactly what it is – a short-term fix-it. Unless Sousuke is willing to share his apartment with Haru for the rest of their lives, they have to think of another solution. And fast.

  

Despite Sousuke’s parting words the night before, the next morning Haru wakes up much later than Sousuke, so he actually doesn’t see him at all. There’s a note near the Nespresso machine telling Haru that the Capricco flavour is reserved for Sousuke, but the rest are Haru’s to choose from. Sure enough, when Haru opens the tray hiding under the machine, he’s met with the sight of neatly rowed pods, all different colours and even in numbers, except for the dark green pods which were apparently almost finished, and Haru decides its probably Sousuke’s beloved, untouchable Capricco flavour, or whatever the hell it’s called. Personally, Haru never really had a preference over his coffee in the morning, as long as it isn’t decafe. 

He drinks the coffee (admittedly delicious) alongside a quick omelette he whips up with the few ingredients in Sousuke’s fridge. For someone who seems to obsess over coffee, Sousuke sure lacks creativity in the food department. Haru decides to himself the first thing he’ll do after buying a new futon is go grocery shopping. As far as he can tell, Sousuke never mentioned anything about paying rent, and Haru really doesn’t feel comfortable basically leeching off Sousuke for however long they’re doing this whole ‘share a living space thing’. He knows he told Makoto it might be a few days, but it’s not like he can be sure. 

Before going out for the day, Haru decides that he’s resisted long enough and starts running the bath. Once he’s in, it’s honestly one of the most relaxed moments of his life. If he closes his eyes, he almost feels like he’s in a swimming pool, the water a familiar and welcome guide. He feels like if he just lets himself, he might float away like he does in the pool, but obviously it’s just an obscure thought and impossible in the bathtub. For a moment, Haru closes his eyes and he’s met with the a vision so softly unfurling before his eyes he doesn’t even have time to register that it’s a foreign thought. 

Sousuke, at his desk, smiling idly while playing with a pen. He seems content, more content than Haru has ever seen him. The vision fades away as peacefully as it came, and Haru thinks, not for the first time, that Sousuke’s soft smile might be one of the most serene things he’s ever seen.

 

It becomes a bit a of routine, waking up to Sousuke’s empty apartment only to find a note stuck on the fridge or left on the bench. Sousuke seems to be one of one those people who speeds through their morning routine, while Haru takes his sweet, sweet time. They don’t see each other again until the evening, when Sousuke sometimes relaxes watching tv beside Haru, or on days he comes home to Haru sitting with his legs folded and sketchpad in hand, Sousuke brings his laptop out to the living room and they sit in a comfortable silence lost in their own worlds but still aware of the constant presence beside each of them.

It’s comfortable, so comfortable that Haru hardly realises that almost two weeks have gone by on the day the central heating of the apartment starts malfunctioning. Sousuke only has one radiator, so they decide it’ll be best if Haru moves his futon into Sousuke’s room for a few days, until it gets fixed. The whole situation is not as awkward as Haru thought it would be, especially because they both don’t seem to be the type to unnecessarily sugar coat things or fill silence with meaningless conversation. The heater isn’t working so the only practical solution is for Haru to move into Sousuke’s room unless he wants to catch a cold. 

Sousuke is in the bathroom while Haru sets out the futon in the only room of the apartment he has hardly ever stepped foot in (except for the one time Haru had taken matters into his own hands and collected Sousuke’s laundry before he could leave it till the last minute). It’s a little bare, grey windowsills and a dark carpet to match the rest of the apartment. He doesn’t have any photographs anywhere, although there _is_ a pile of crime novels just sitting on Sousuke’s preferred side of his queen bed. Besides, it’s not like Haru hasn’t seen glimpses of this room in his visions, so the only thing that really catches Haru’s attention is how much the room’s scent mirrors Sousuke’s. 

At that thought, Sousuke comes in and Haru is met with the now-familiar sight of Sousuke with a towel around his neck, wearing ridiculously comfy looking clothes but still somehow looking like he’d just finished a photo session with Calvin Klein. He pauses at the doorway when he sees Haru and frowns slightly. 

“You know, when I said you should stay in here I meant in the bed. It’ll probably only be for one day so I don’t really mind.” 

Haru is admittedly surprised to hear this, but he recovers quickly. He raises his eyebrows at Sousuke and pauses laying out his pillows, “Is the great Yamazaki Sousuke _sure_? From what I hear, he’s a very fussy sleeper about his space and sometimes even a snorer.” 

Sousuke outright laughs at that, easy and light. “Stop being a little brat, Haru, and get in the bed before I make you.” 

Haru knows that Sousuke said those words in a purely casual way, but god damn it, his southern regions don’t really register this little notion and can only focus on the implications behind the words. Shit, Haru really needs to get off soon if doesn’t want his mind stuck in the gutter like it’s been lately, especially around Sousuke. 

He hopes his appearance doesn’t betray the emotions he’s actually feeling and he only shrugs in reply, before standing up and getting under Sousuke’s 1500-thread count blanket. He lies on what’s probably a luxury pillow of some kind, Haru knows by now that Sousuke is a stickler for only buying luxury items even if he can only just afford to. It’s so warm and comfortable, that Haru feels like he might fall asleep in that very moment, but is disturbed as Sousuke dips into the bed beside him, yawning loudly all the while, seeming to share the sentiment. 

“It was such a long and shit day today,” Sousuke says, sounding half-asleep already. 

“Was it?” Haru says, and with a jolt he realises that the reason he’d had no idea about Sousuke’s bad day is because Haru hadn’t had a vision at all for the entire day. 

Sousuke kind of grunts in reply before shifting around to face Haru in the dark. “Yeah, it was pretty shitty. But I know _you_ had a good day, at least.” 

At that, Haru feels the sudden panic that had been rising up his throat finally die down. A sudden bout of panic that confused the hell out of him, because it was brought on by the fact that he thought the bond might have been broken – which was fucking ridiculous because wasn’t breaking the bond the _point_ of this whole sharing-a-living-space exercise? 

But the panic had died down as soon as Sousuke mentioned his visions were still occurring, and that he’d actually paid attention. It’s true; Haru _did_ have a pretty good day. With only one class in the morning and the second one cancelled, he had been hanging out with Makoto in the university’s swimming centre all day. 

Haru tries to gauge Sousuke’s expression, but it’s too dark and soon enough he can feel the steady rhythm of Sousuke’s breathing indicating that he’d already fallen asleep.

 

The next morning, Haru wakes up to sound of Sousuke puttering about in the kitchen. He’d had such a restful sleep that he doesn’t even feeling like sleeping-in like he usually does and decides to join Sousuke in the kitchen. Haru’s met with the sight of Sousuke half dressed for work, his beloved Nespresso machine whirring away as he takes out a mug. When he turns around to see Haru awake, Sousuke raises his eyebrows – but unexpectedly he doesn’t make a comment about Haru finally waking up and instead remarks on his attire. 

“You know that’s my t-shirt, right?” 

Haru looks down at what he’s wearing, which is a grey medium-sized t-shirt with nike written in block letters. Shit, Haru sure as hell wasn’t paying attention to what he grabbed to wear, it was literally the closest thing he could find. 

“I didn’t realise.” Haru says, but doesn’t make a move to go back and change and instead makes himself comfortable on one of the stools placed in front of the kitchen bench. His body isn’t used to waking up this early, so he doesn’t feel too hungry for breakfast just yet. Instead, he’s content watching Sousuke finish up with his coffee.

“Aren’t you going to have breakfast?” Haru asks, head resting on his arms as he sits crouching over the bench. His eyes follow Sousuke as he rushes around putting on his tie and his coat. 

Sousuke shrugs in response to Haru’s question. “I’ll get something from the café downstairs,” his eyes linger on Haru for a moment, and Haru is about ask just what’s holding him up, when he’s interrupted. “The t-shirt looks good on you,” Sousuke says, his voice a little deeper than usual. He disappears behind the door before Haru can reply, and Haru is left stunned. He knows he’s blushing a little, and god damn it, how does Sousuke still manage to catch him off guard like this? And it might be Haru just projecting, but was Sousuke eyeing Haru’s exposed collarbones and neck before he left? Fuck, Haru can admit by now that there is definitely some tension between them, but it seems like Sousuke might not want to pursue anything – a notion Haru can understand, since their psychic-link really makes their situation unconventional at best. Haru knows that pursuing the tension, or whatever the fuck it is, with anything other than a little light flirting would make matters even more complicated. And if there’s one thing Haru knows, Yamazaki Sousuke avoids complications like the plague. 

The thought makes Haru dejected all of sudden, because really he’s being stupid here thinking that he can get it on with Sousuke when really, he’s probably the biggest inconvenience that’s ever occurred to him. And that’s not saying Sousuke’s not an inconvenience to Haru – he’s really beginning to hate how much he thinks about the guy constantly, even without the visions. 

Haru sighs and decides that he’ll have a bath before breakfast because it’s really become one of his most cathartic experiences now, and he doesn’t like feeling sorry for himself like this.

When Haru walks into the bathroom, the tiles are still wet from Sousuke’s shower and he’d left his hair products still out all over the basin. Haru goes straight to the bathtub and begins to fill it up, trying to ignore the scent of Sousuke’s cologne, which is still lingering everywhere. 

By the time he’s finally inside the tub, Haru wonders not for the first time why Sousuke never seems to use the bathtub and showers instead. What’s the point in owning an apartment with an expensive bathtub as one of its main features if you’re simply never going to use it? Then again, Sousuke seems to be the type who likes the fast jet of the showerhead to speed up his routine and he definitely suits the after-shower look.

The image of Sousuke shirtless, wet from a shower, similar to last night floats into Haru’s mind, and this time he’s 100% certain that it’s his own thought because no way Sousuke would be in that condition in real time. He feels himself hardening lazily, and it’s not a new thing, jerking off in the bath, but he feels like this is the first time he’s consciously getting hard thinking about Yamazaki Sousuke, and more than that, he’s doing nothing to stop it. 

Haru’s right hand travels down underwater until he can feel his own cock in his hands. He shifts his hips a little to get a better angle and then slowly starts stroking himself. He idly wonders how it’d feel if the hands were bigger, rougher. If he’d had Sousuke in the bath, sitting behind him cradling Haru between his strong, muscled legs. He’d be looking over Haru’s shoulder, probably stroking him languidly, like they’ve got all the time in the world. 

Haru’s imagination has always been pretty creative, but the sensation and feeling of Sousuke’s presence behind him almost feels too real. He squeezes his eyes shut and imagines Sousuke’s hand, traveling the length of Haru’s cock, down to his perineum, teasing Haru by circling his hole until he starts writhing a little to give him more leverage. 

Haru gasps, opening his eyes, the vivid fantasy fading away as he stops himself before he can go any further. Haru knows that he needs lube if he was really serious about fingering himself, despite his own intense imagination, he’s not going to do that to himself - no matter the fact that the water relaxes him like nothing else and makes his own movements more fluid, it’ll still be painful as fuck afterwards.

He sighs and continues his earlier actions, trying to keep the pace leisurely. Except, it’s been a good few days since the last time he’s done this so he ends up finishing much faster than planned, gasping out loudly as he comes into the water. 

Afterwards, he drains the bathtub and hops into the shower, trying to wash away more than his own come. He doesn’t feel guilty exactly – what surprises him is the sudden feeling of melancholy falling over him as he dresses into his own shirt this time.

 

When Haru comes home around five after a long day of classes, he’s actually not feeling as tired as he thought he would. He turns the tv on and tries to relax, but he feels on edge. He thinks about dinner, and there’s always leftovers from last night but after watching yet another contestant miserably fuck up the art of sautéing, Haru suddenly feels like cooking something will finally take his mind off of whatever it’s on. 

By the time Sousuke arrives home, Haru is actually so engrossed on rolling up little gnocchi dumplings that he doesn’t hear him come in, let alone realise that he’s standing behind Haru. 

“Smells pretty good,” Sousuke’s says from behind, looking over his shoulder. Haru jumps a little at the sound and then is even more startled at the proximity when he turns around.

Sousuke is looking at him with his half-smile, looking a little more crafty than usual and making no move to give them both space. “Did I scare you, Nanase?”

Haru rolls his eyes and turns around, “No. I just wasn’t paying attention.” 

Sousuke only chuckles and walks towards the stove, where Haru’s cheese and pesto concoction is bubbling away. “Anything I can help with?”

 “I guess you could stir the sauce and keep an eye on it,” he says and then turns to face Sousuke and smirk a little. “As long as you don’t burn yourself first, Yamazaki.”

“Ha ha, believe it or not I used to be able to cook meals that I was fairly proud of until you came long. Honestly, does it ever getting tiring being talented at _everything_?”

Haru just shakes his head and doesn’t bother responding, as Sousuke makes a move for the saucepan.

“So how long until this is ready?” Sousuke says, clearly bored from stirring, one hand on his hip and the other holding the wooden spoon. Haru hides a smile at the sight while poking through the fridge and coming up with a bunch of parsley he’d bought a few days ago.

“You can start cutting the parsley while I boil the gnocchi. I think the sauce is done anyway.”

They finish cooking while leisurely talking about their days. Haru knows already that Sousuke’s day hadn’t been as bad as yesterday because while he’d been in the library studying, he’d had a vision of Sousuke smiling to himself by the computer. Sure enough, it turns out that after a successful meeting, Sousuke’s agency had landed a huge up and coming basketball player, and apparently it’s this paticular meeting that had Sousuke stressing all week.

“Is the basketball player taller than you?” Haru asks, before taking forkful of gnocchi into his mouth. They’re sitting side-by-side on stools by the kitchen bench, and although it’s not a special occasion, Sousuke had brought out some pretty expensive looking wine to have with the pasta.

“Almost as tall but not quite,” Sousuke smirks. “But he’s really fast though, and makes smart plays. His team came second at the high school nationals.”

“Hmm,” Haru replies noncommittally, never really caring much for basketball after the little foray he’d had in middle school.

After they finish the meal, Sousuke stands up and they both take their dishes to the kitchen sink. Sousuke starts washing them and hands one over to Haru, who takes it and dries it without a word. After a moment of dish washing in companionable silence, Sousuke looks over his shoulder and gives him that half-smile of his. “Haru, you know I’m not one for giving compliments lightly so believe me when I say that this meal was restaurant-worthy. Seriously.”

The compliment is unexpected, and Haru looks down at the dish in his hand, trying to hide the fact that his face is heating up. “Thanks, I guess.” It comes out as more of a mumble, but he knows Sousuke heard him.

“Although I stirred the sauce pretty well, and the parsley was cut very evenly if I do say so myself. So I guess you could give me at least _half_ the credit. Maybe one third.” 

At that, Haru lets out a light, surprised chuckle. “Next time I’ll _only_ stir the sauce and cut the parsley, and leave you to do the rest.” 

Sousuke makes a concerned face; as if he were genuinely worried that Haru would leave him to cook by himself. Just seeing his expression, Haru lets out a real laugh this time, loud and pure.

But he stops abruptly when Sousuke steps closer to him, and almost jumps when Sousuke reaches down and catches Haru’s free hand in his own. 

Haru looks down at their joined hands for a moment, not really understanding what he’s seeing or why.

“Haru, I…” Sousuke starts, and his voice sounds so damn serious. Almost the polar opposite of what it sounded like a minute ago. About a million different emotions pass through Haru like a hurricane, but it’s too hard to focus on what he’s feeling so instead he waits patiently for Sousuke to continue.

“I…I saw you today,” Sousuke says, his voice dangerously quite and a little rough.

Haru wets his dry lips before answering, and he doesn’t miss how Sousuke’s eyes flicker down and zone-in on the moment. “In a vision?” 

“Yeah,” Sousuke says, even quieter than before. He steps a little closer and absently takes the forgotten dish from Haru’s hand and places it on the bench. “Yeah, in a vision.” He steps even closer still, close enough that Haru can perfectly see the dark fanning of Sousuke’s eyelashes and smell the scent of his distinct cologne. “You said my name.” 

Haru’s stomach drops at that, because he suddenly knows what Sousuke is referring to. He didn’t realise it at the time, but he must’ve gasped Sousuke’s name when he’d been in the bath in the morning. 

Shit. _Shit_ , Sousuke must want to confront Haru about it, tell him that it’s not okay. Tell him that he’s being gross and that he shouldn’t complicate things with stupid emotions and hell, he might even tell Haru to leave. It’s been about two weeks now and the visions have decreased but they haven’t completely left them. So why keep him around? Shit, he might even want Haru to leave tonight – 

“I want you,” Sousuke says, interrupting Haru from his thoughts. He steps closer still, and Haru can’t even begin to process his words when Sousuke speaks again. “And you want me, too.” 

It’s not really a question, but Sousuke stares at him like he’s waiting for Haru to answer, or at least confirm or deny.

Haru swallows a little before answering, and his voice comes out in a whisper. “I thought you wouldn’t want to complicate things.” 

Sousuke shakes his head, and Haru’s so close it’s almost like he can sense the movement and not really see it. “You’re not a complication Haru. If I’m being honest, you’re actually one of the best things that’s happened to me in a long time.” 

Haru doesn’t know how to answer that, so he does what comes instinctually and finally closes the bridge of space between them until their lips come together in a kiss. 

The kiss is soft, but full of everything left unsaid. A mixture of wonder, resignation and somehow _familiarity_. Haru closes his eyes and swears he can hear the soft musical notes of a koto playing somewhere in the distance, as Sousuke presses his lips a little harder and changes the nature of the kiss. He crowds closer and slides his tongue across the seam of Haru’s lips. Haru opens up for him and Sousuke presses in, while one hand slips up to bury itself in Haru’s hair, and the other low on Haru’s waist. Haru has his hands tightly gripping the pale blue of Sousuke’s designer shirt, and when Sousuke steps back to break the kiss, they’re both heaving slightly and sharing a look of mutual astonishment. 

“Shit, I’ve been wanting to do that for so long now,” Sousuke finally says, his voice coming out rough. His lips are glistening and Haru can’t stop staring at them. “This morning – when you were wearing my t-shirt, _fuck_ Haru it was so big on you – your _collarbones_ and – I almost dropped everything and would’ve just jumped at you.” 

Haru huffs a little, still catching his breath. “So why didn’t you?” 

“I don’t know,” Sousuke admits. “But I…” he trails off and goes for Haru’s neck this time. He doesn’t really finish his sentence and Haru doesn’t mind, his hand coming up into Sousuke’s dark hair and just laying there as he kisses and sucks his way down to Haru’s collarbones. 

“Sousuke,” Haru gasps softly, and doesn’t know if he’s encouraging him or telling him to stop. 

Sousuke groans a little at that, and he steps back and looks into Haru’s eyes. “I wanna hear you say my name again as you come, just like this morning,” he says, his eyes dark. “But this time I’ll be with you, right beside you, or under you or over you. Whatever it takes.”

Haru doesn’t exactly reply to that, but instead takes Sousuke’s hand and leads them for a short walk into Sousuke’s bedroom. 

Haru, never one to shy away from stripping naked, starts taking his shirt off and then moves to Sousuke with intention of helping him out of his but ends up kissing him instead. There’s no set pace – the kisses range from frantic to leisurely and Sousuke finally gets onto multi-tasking and unbuttons his own shirt while gently sucking on Haru’s bottom lip.

“I wanna fuck you,” Sousuke mummers against Haru’s lips. “Have you done that before?” 

Haru nods in return, trailing his hands down from Sousuke’s bare stomach and undoes his belt with ease. He reaches up to kiss the corner of Sousuke’s lips as he pulls down the zipper and slips his hand under his pants. He grinds his palm against Sousuke’s underwear, eliciting a soft barely-heard groan. 

“Do you have lube?” Haru asks, and Sousuke nods, heading towards one of the bedside tables. He rummages through it for a moment, until he finds a pack of condoms and lube. 

Sousuke sits on the edge of the bed and widens his legs a little, as if to make room for Haru. “C’mere,” he says, smiling a little but his eyes dark as ever. It’s as good as invitation as any so he follows him and walks up to Sousuke until Haru’s standing in between his legs and Sousuke has his hands gripping onto Haru’s waist, eyelevel with his stomach. He looks up at Haru for moment, before closing his eyes and dipping his head to kiss his navel. 

Haru gasps out a light laugh because he’s apparently ticklish there – but his laugh abruptly stops as Sousuke gently pulls down the waist of Haru’s jeans and lowers his head until he’s mouthing at Haru’s underwear-clad groin. 

“Shit, I wanna suck you off so bad,” Sousuke says, and Haru can’t help it, the moisture coming from Sousuke’s breath is such a good sensation, he’s almost fully erect by the time Sousuke pulls of his underwear and Haru steps out the rest of his jeans. 

“Here,” Sousuke says, gently guiding Haru down to the bed, until he’s lying bare, his legs slightly open and waiting. Haru vaguely notes that if he were doing this with anyone but Sousuke, he’d be feeling an insane amount of vulnerability about now – but Sousuke’s eyes are gentle and heated molten as he drinks in the sight in front of him. “You’re so fucking gorgeous.” 

Haru snorts, “You can make better use of that mouth instead of saying unnecessarily cringey things, Yamazaki.” 

Sousuke smirks at that, and finally, _finally_ , leans down to take Haru into his mouth and starts to suck. The sensation is almost overwhelming at first, and Haru actually has to grip Sousuke’s hair and urge him to slow the hell down. Unless he’s aiming to get Haru to come right there and then, that is. 

Thankfully, Sousuke gets the memo and eases the pace a bit, and he looks so fucking hot, his eyes closed and head bobbing over Haru like that. Shit. Sousuke pops off of Haru’s cock for a moment and Haru almost whimpers at the loss, but when he opens his eyes he sees Sousuke lathering his fingers with lube. Haru’s eyes widen and Sousuke only smirks, before leaning up to kiss Haru’s lips with so much strength, Haru feels a little winded afterwards. 

“I’ll make this feel good, I promise.” Sousuke says, his voice low as he starts pushing in the first finger. Haru opens his legs wide and lifts his hips to give him more leverage. It definitely feels _good_ – it’s exactly what he was craving earlier in the bath, and he almost doesn’t believe what’s happening is actually real. 

Soon enough, Sousuke squeezes in a second finger, pushing them in and out of Haru, until he adds a third and has Haru gasping. 

“Fuck, I’m ready, I’m _ready_.” 

Sousuke chuckles, slowly pulling his fingers out and then reaching for the condoms. He pulls down his partly unzipped pants and frees his cock. Haru’s almost intimidated at the size for a second, because Sousuke is _definitely_ packing. But he knows he’s ready, so he literally takes matters into his own hands by quickly finding the condom lying on the bed and then rolling it onto Sousuke, who moans lightly at the sensation. 

When he’s ready, Haru leans back onto one of the fancy pillows and gets comfortable, waiting. Sousuke’s eyes are so intense as he lifts Haru’s legs over his shoulders and finally presses in, Haru has to look away. Which is fair enough because after Sousuke’s done pressing in, Haru has to screw his eyes shut because it’s _so_ much and it feels _so_ fucking good. 

Sousuke starts with a gentle thrust, until Haru urges him to go a little faster by gripping his hips. Sousuke seems to get the message and picks up the pace until he has Haru gasping.

Sousuke has one hand gripping Haru’s leg and the other placed over the juncture where Haru’s neck meets shoulder, when he hits Haru’s prostate and causes Haru to whimper brokenly, moaning that he’s close. 

“ _Good_ ,” Sousuke gasps out from above him, his hair damp with sweat and sticking to his forehead. Haru screws his eyes shut as Sousuke’s hand travels down from his shoulder, passes over his hardened nipple and then grips onto Haru’s leaking cock. Sousuke’s pace jerking Haru is a little off-sync with his own thrusts, but Haru couldn’t care less because it feels fucking amazing finally getting touched again, and Sousuke is so good at it, so fucking perfect – 

“Sousuke,” Haru gasps out, and hearing his name must evoke something in Sousuke, because after that he begins thrusting into Haru almost desperately, burying his head into Haru’s neck. It’s all so much. Sousuke’s presence over him, his hands, the sweat dripping from his hair into Haru’s – the feel of his lips open-mouthed against the sensitive skin near Haru’s jawline. 

Sousuke comes then, this time gasping Haru’s name, and Haru follows soon after. They both take a moment to catch their breaths, until Sousuke pulls out tiredly and disappears for an instant, probably to get rid of the condom. 

When he returns, he slumps tiredly beside him while Haru’s still trying to pace his breathing. Although he feels a little gross and sweaty now, Haru feels too worn-out to really care and he has the feeling that Sousuke shares the sentiment, at least for now. 

The post-sex, blissed-type of silence stretches for a few moments, until Sousuke starts chuckling lightly, and Haru turns his head sleepily to see what in the world was so damn hilarious. 

Sousuke seems to register Haru’s questioning face and answers without being prodded. “I never told you this, but one of the theories about the soul-bond is that when the couple finally gets it on with each other, the bond either increases ten-fold or stops all together. There weren’t many recorded cases being affected by sex though, so I decided it wasn’t worth mentioning.” 

Haru frowns, his blissful mood dissipating slowly as his tired mind processes what Sousuke had said. “I don’t see why that’s funny.” 

Sousuke only shrugs, and then proceeds to turn around and light up a cigarette – something he hardly does around Haru, at least not since that first day rainy by the lakeside. “I just thought it’d be a little ironic if this was the solution and it finally worked.” 

A thought hits Haru then, and it’s so fucking hurtful and it’d be such a dick move that he almost doesn’t want to believe it. But even a stranger would be able to tell that Sousuke’s acting like a jerk. It might be because he’d been so _vulnerable_ earlier and is building up a wall to make up for it. That, or he’s actually showing his true colours now and the whole sex and wanting to fuck Haru thing was just a final experiment to see if the damn bond would break. 

The thought is almost unbearable, it hurts so fucking bad that Haru feels his heart clench in his chest and he has to sit up abruptly to hide the fact that his eyes are welling up. 

“I’ve got to go,” Haru says, his voice steady until the very last syllable, when it betrays him and cracks a little. 

At that, Sousuke sits up quickly too. “What? Where?” 

“Just. I need to leave here,” Haru says, and he’s already looking around for the stray pieces of clothing he’d left around the room and starts dressing himself at record speed. 

“Haru?” Sousuke says, sounding so fucking _confused_ , as if he has any right to be. Anyone with an ounce of self-respect would despise being toyed with like that. If he really wanted to test out the sex theory, he could’ve just asked. But no, Sousuke had pretended to want Haru instead, even told him that he wanted to hear Haru say his name. Hell, he’d probably seen that vision of Haru in the morning and figured it was the best opportunity to test it out. 

Shit, he’d been so fucking _stupid_. 

“Haru?” He can hear Sousuke somewhere at the back of his mind while Haru looks around for his wallet and phone. “What are you doing?” There’s an unrecognisable edge to Sousuke’s voice, as he follows Haru around the room, half naked but Haru has no time to interpret what the hell the edge means. His mind is focused on one thing only, and that’s getting out of this damn luxury apartment as fast as he can. 

When Haru reaches the door, Sousuke moves to stand in front of it.

“I need you to tell me what’s going on,” he says, his arms crossed and his expression a strange combination of confused and determined. 

“I just…I need to be alone right now,” Haru says, not daring to look Sousuke in the eye.

Sousuke seems to falter at that, and uncrosses his arms. “Look, if this is about that obscure theory I mentioned earlier –,” 

“Just let me go, I don’t want to be here right now,” Haru interrupts, anger creeping into his voice now. Sousuke’s expression morphs into surprise and Haru takes advantage of the moment to reach around Sousuke for the doorknob. 

Maybe Haru’s being unreasonable. He knows, at least, that he should give Sousuke a chance to explain himself. But Haru feels like he’s been so caught up with Sousuke lately, almost like he’s been sucked into a void, that he actually _does_ need time to himself. He needs to sort out his thoughts about this whole thing once and for all. 

“Please,” Haru says, hand still lingering on the doorknob.

He feels the burn of Sousuke’s gaze on him for a few moments. “Okay,” he says, voice carefully neutral. “You want to be alone right now, I get that. But when you don’t anymore, I’ll be here.” 

And he finally steps aside to let Haru pass.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [fergie's london bridge starts playing muffled in the backgraound] oh shiit.   
> alright, I admit that I feel kind of bad leaving readers like this, but it just turned out this way, I don't make the rules :\
> 
> In all seriousness though, thanks for reading and pls let me know what you thought! If you ever wanna hit me up or message me hello, here's my **[ tumblr ](http://arthursbane.tumblr.com)** tbh I don't really post much anime but if you're looking for that you can always check out my little **[ vine channel ](https://vine.co/u/1027628951507464192)** ehehe. stay tuned for the next one!


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